When I was a teenager, I felt invisible. Each new group of people I joined would seem hostile and they would say they’d never met me before, even if I’d been hanging around with them daily for a few months in a row.
Later in life, joining any new group of people was a very much daunting experience. I couldn’t help but remember the times I was bullied. Other kids would make fun of me, give me offensive names and laugh into my face for no specific reason I could see. The fear of being ridiculed in front of other people haunted me, and made me shiver and panic whenever I was with more than two other people in the same space. I would freeze and not want to leave the comfort of my room. I found all sorts of excuses to stay there and not join the party or event.
As a result, I became the quietest person and felt isolated and abandoned. Me! Someone who had performed in plays and choreographed and danced in front of huge audiences ever since I was a child. I dreamt of shining bright as a performer. But I put it all aside and gave into my strongest fear – the fear of rejection. That was how much I was trying to hide myself to avoid any sort of issues. I now believe my decision to move to another country was driven subconsciously by my fear of rejection in my own society.
When I became a student, I wanted to push myself a little and experience something I hadn’t done before. I decided to go abroad for a language course. It meant getting to know a new culture, the excitement of travelling, trying new food, and seeing beautiful places. At the same time, it also meant meeting crowds of new people and having to face my strongest fear. And this time it would be in a foreign setting.
I made the decision and was sure I wanted to do it…until I got to the airport and couldn’t stop crying before the check-in. I was terrified. I imagined being isolated and left with no one to talk to, apart from teachers. I couldn’t move. I could picture groups of people in the distance looking at me and laughing. However, I had no choice but to get on that plane as everything was already organised and paid for. Looking back now, I can say I had one of the best experiences of my life. I realised we’re all scared and don’t really know how to create new friendships, until we actually reach out and start talking to someone. It was the first step on my way to my new life – one full of people who love me and care about me.
Soon after, I decided to move to the UK. I thought it’d be a similar experience to my summer schools. Fun, laughter, trips and endless fun stories. But it wasn’t. I came to live in a foreign country, which meant most of the people here had their lives all settled, while I had to start from scratch without having an idea of how things work over here.
Needless to say, I had no one I knew in the UK. I went through lots of ups and downs and even had six months of no friends at all. I cried on the way home and couldn’t see the point in doing anything if I felt so lonely and miserable.
I didn’t have a permanent job, so starting my own business was the only way forward I could see. I was doing pretty much the same thing I did as a kid… I had this fabulous skill of producing bespoke videos that would tell a business’s story, but no one could ever learn about this skill, because I was hiding it very well. Although I had enough experience, I had zero confidence in myself.
Can you imagine a video production company without a website? Well, I used to run one. And from time to time I would ask myself why it was so difficult to find clients when I couldn’t even send them a link to my website! Instead, I sent out various links for them to click through to see examples of my work elsewhere. Essentially, I wanted to run a business without putting myself out there. Why? Because the thought of being visible just freaked me out. I had that fear of rejection crawling deep inside. I imagined people looking at my videos and thinking how rubbish they were or even criticising me on my non-existent Facebook page. I imagined the same kind of bullying I went through as a kid, but now going through it as an adult and a professional.
I understood it would probably be better for my business to have social media pages, a website or some other online presence. But I told myself no one would really be interested and that I connect better with people when I speak with them one-on-one and in person. Those were my constant excuses for not being present online.
Obviously, it got to the point where I was hardly making any income and it became more and more difficult to stay here. That’s when I decided to reach out for help. I felt lost, abandoned and unable to organise my own life. The funny thing is that I knew everything I had to do because I was always reading books on self-development and marketing and watching hours of motivational videos – but I just couldn’t figure out how to put it all into practice.
That’s when a friend of mine recommended a life coach. I started having weekly sessions and through my coach’s reflection on my words I could see I already was the wonderful human being I always wanted to be. I was creative and dedicating myself to what I loved doing, but I just lacked confidence and exposure. So we started working on it and I could see myself growing day by day. I learnt about emotional intelligence and I realised I can control my own feelings and fears. I have done a lot of internal work on this since and the brightest example of overcoming my fear of visibility and standing out of the crowd occurred last year.
I am part of a networking group of female professionals and we had a meeting where we could dress up and present a pitch about our business in any form we wanted. Some people read poems, sang or acted out as a character. I thought about using my dancing skills and presenting something around that, but I hesitated due to the nature of the dancing and the clothes. I didn’t think people would quite understand and accept it (can you sense the fear of rejection creeping through again?). You may wonder what the issue is with my dancing. Well, I do belly dancing and appearing almost half-naked in front of 30 or 40 well-dressed women – half of whom come from the corporate world – felt a bit inappropriate…a bit silly, to say the least.
But I was so into my idea and creative process this time that I decided to go for it, come what may. So I prepared myself carefully and sat covered with a scarf hiding my sword under the table for more than half an hour. Then came my time to stand up and give a 40-second performance followed by a 20-second pitch – the message of which was that images speak louder than words so come to me and I’ll make a video to promote your business.
Apart from winning the prize for the best pitch, I also had people hugging me and complimenting me for quite a while after the meeting finished. They were talking about it for weeks and none of the comments were offensive or negative. They were all impressed. I stood out as a professional, as a person, and as a woman. In their eyes, I was brave enough to do it differently. I had loads of courage to not be ashamed of my body. I was remembered for being creative and for being myself while pitching my business. Those were all the comments I heard from women that saw it or heard of it.
Since then I have progressed massively in my own emotional intelligence and helped dozens of people regain control over their fears and, as a result, their lives. I have arrived at a point where I fully embrace my own story and am able to help other people do the same. I found a perfect tool to help me as well as other people to work on fears, limiting beliefs and useless behaviour patterns. I’ve seen dozens of lives changing in front of me. Do I have to say how inspiring it feels?
My business has now gone in a new direction as I decided to help people who are in the same boat I used to be in. I help entrepreneurs to gain confidence, become more visible and help make a difference in this world by doing what they do best – their own business. We all know how important it is to be online these days and how useful it is to have a video about yourself and/or your business. These are the tools that help us grow our businesses along with our income.
After all of my troubles and the long journey I’d been on, I decided to blend my video experience with my coaching skills and help people achieve impressive results not only in the way they see themselves and their businesses, but also helping them to deliver their message to their target audience through a tailor-made video for their website and social media. I coach people around their fears, limiting beliefs and understanding of their own business and brand, as well as how to feel comfortable in front of a camera to then showcase the work in a gorgeous video they can use throughout their business.